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Excerpt from "Wild Times" Chapter (Click Here for Printer Version) Another time I was in Baltimore, playing one of the best clubs in the country, Slapstix. I always had great shows there and Baltimore audiences rocked. Near the club was a washtub bar. A washtub bar is a pretty simple and lucrative concept; they hire several hot women to wear the smallest bikinis they can fit into and stand in various places throughout the bar, behind washtubs full of ice and beer. The bar made a killing. All of the washtub beauties were grad students, save one; she was a lifer. Every year I played Slapstix and went to the washtub bar a few nights after shows. All of the bikini models would be new each year except for her. The first time I saw her, she was the hottest woman there. She wore a small, sexy zebra-striped one-piece suit, the middle of which was gone, leaving most of her flesh exposed. Her hair was long and black. I couldn’t get my feet to walk away from her. At one point I asked her to hold a test tube shot. She had nowhere to put it, so she told me to slip it between her cleavage, which was an awesome, natural C cup. Before I knew it, I was doing test tube shots from her cleavage. One after another, I buried my face between her breasts and pulled out a shot with my mouth. The best part was it didn’t cost me a dime. (Okay, that really wasn’t the best part.) A bunch of fans from the comedy show paid for the shots. They wanted to do them themselves but were too nervous, so they kept paying to watch me go down. Hey, what choice did I have? The show must go on . . . Each year I returned, her breasts got bigger and bigger, her lips fatter and fatter, and her hair blonder and blonder. She got less and less attractive. The last time I went to the bar, I couldn’t even bear to look at her. Her breasts were so big they arrived everywhere she went an hour ahead of her. That last same visit to the bar, I also met a very pretty newbie, wearing a lime bikini. She was a blonde with short hair who stood about 5’5”. She also had some nice natural C’s. We got to talking and she mentioned she was doing some house-sitting in Cumberland, Maryland, the following week. I was going to be passing through Cumberland that week on my way to some college shows in West Virginia. She invited me to crash with her one night, so she wouldn’t die from boredom. “Will you be wearing that bikini?” “Absolutely; they have a nice pool and a hot tub.” “I’m there.” I arrived at the house the next week. She answered the door wearing the bikini and invited me in. She walked around the whole time in that thing, blowing me kisses. She cooked a tasty dinner. We retired to the living room, where she sat beside me on the sofa. “I want to read a little bit first.” She lay down, placing her legs onto my lap. I began to stroke them, which distracted her reading, so she decided to flip and instead rest her back on my lap. After a while I began to softly rub her belly. She cooed and soon I was rubbing her breasts while I kissed her. I started to untie the strings to release her wrongfully imprisoned breasts when the doorbell rang. She sat up and called, “Hello?” “Hey, baby; it’s me!” She jumped off the sofa, “I’ll be there in a minute!” She checked herself in the mirror and wiped my kisses from her mouth. She looked over at me and whispered loudly, “You’re my cousin!” She answered the door. A guy twice my size stood in the doorway. “Oh my God, what a nice surprise!” “Hey baby, I knew how lonely you were, so I thought I’d surprise you.” He picked her up in a big bear hug and gave her a kiss. She introduced me—her cousin—to her boyfriend. How nice of him to stop by. Instead of having sex with a hot little number, I got to sleep downstairs on the sofa and listen to her and her boyfriend have sex, off and on throughout the night. Good one, God, good one, especially with the timing. God plops the girl’s boyfriend on the doorstep after I get all worked up and bothered, but just before I was about to see and have any real fun with her breasts. I would have left except I still didn’t have contacts and couldn’t see to drive safely at night. I really need to get contacts I thought as I listened to the bed bounce upstairs and her cry out her boyfriend’s name.
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